


Open Spaces

by Cynicwithatwist



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Gen, and the next might make you cry, road trip au, warm and fluffy one moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3966016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cynicwithatwist/pseuds/Cynicwithatwist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cross country road trip of epic proportions to celebrate graduation?  Check.  With music blaring and windows rolled down it was meant to be a time of laughter and smiles and fun.  That it was, but each of them may have gained something more of themselves on those open roads than planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_Moon river, wider than a mile_

_I’m crossing you in style someday_

_Oh dream maker, you heart breaker_

_Wherever you’re going I’m going that way_

Parking the car there off to the side of the road was like stepping back through time.  She’d stumbled through a portal and found herself six years ago, when life seemed to be construed of nothing more than joy and simplicity.  Late night snack runs and music blasting too loudly.  She’d been so much younger then.  They all had.

Opening the door she stepped out into the hot July sun, a fierce wind whipping locks of hair into her face.  Even though it was bright she removed her sunglasses, wanting to capture the moment in her mind naturally. This really was the middle of nowhere.  Her only companion was that black snake of a road that ran from one horizon to the other through the plains.  Well, that and him.

“I told you we left too early” he huffed, getting out of the vehicle and shutting the door behind him.  He laid back on the bronze metal, gazing up at the crystal clear azure sky over head.  He hadn’t acted particularly thrilled when she’d informed him of what she was devising, but deep down she knew he was just as excited at the prospect as her.

Why wouldn’t he be?  The trip they had embarked on all those years ago hadn’t simply been a vacation.  It was a time of healing, a time of discovering one’s self and which road to the future to follow, a time to cement that true friendship never dies, no matter the distance.  It was the creation of a grand memory forged in love, one that would last beyond a single life time.

“Just take a nap, you’re good at that _professor_ ” she mocked playfully.

She heard him grumble and the sound of dirt and rocks crunching under his feet as he walked over.  Wrapping his arms around her waist he rested his chin on her shoulder.  It was rather torrid and she had half a mind to elbow him away but what could she do?  When she’d married the man she was aware of his physically affectionate nature.

“Do you want to play a game while we wait?”

“What kind of a game” he asked, the rumble of his words vibrating against her back.

“Oh you know this one, we’ve played it before.  It starts with a story.  Once upon a time there was a group of kids who came up with the most spectacular of plans…”


	2. Patience Is a Virtue

_It is howling like a hurricane_

_But up ahead the sky looks clean_

_I’m leaving without worries_

_In my rear view mirror_

 

“Snacks?”

“Check.”

“Atlas?”

“Check.”

“Music?”

“Roger that.”

Yoon turned to glare at both Yona who read down the ridiculous list, and Zeno who was busily checking to make sure everything was tucked in the Ford Explorer.  He wasn’t sure why, but the group had decided to take one vehicle on their cross country road trip.  Yoon, the only voice of reason much of the time, had been against it from the start.  There was no way seven people plus all their bags could fit in the SUV, even if it was “full sized and spacious.”  Hak had brought up the idea of binding luggage to the roof with bungee cords.  _Everyone is going to pack lightly.  It won’t be fun if we aren’t all together, that’s the point after all._

To be completely honest Yoon wasn’t enthused with partaking in this absurd odyssey from one side of the United States to the other.  He wanted to focus on preparing for his first year of med school which began in the fall.  That was the plan anyway, until early April when Yona had come up with this final group adventure to celebrate graduation.  It was true they’d all be splitting up once the summer was over.  Yoon had four more years of higher education ahead of him as did Jae-Ha who would be attending law school.  Hak was getting a PhD in literature and Kija was aiming to earn a master’s in psychology.  The rest would begin their hunt for jobs.  Still, it wasn’t as if they’d _never_ reunite.  That was precisely why Yoon had tried to weasel his way out of the entire shenanigan.  Yona countered him insisting it wouldn’t be fun without the whole team and Yoon owed her, so here he was. 

“Alright then, let’s kick it” Yona called throwing open the forest green back door.  She climbed in with such gusto simply watching made Yoon tired.  With a sigh he circled the gargantuan vehicle and settled himself into the driver’s seat.  He’d be taking first shift at the wheel, followed by Hak who currently occupied shot gun.  Yoon was thankful Hak was too bulky to comfortably fit in the tightly packed back of the SUV.  He wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to last with one of the more excitable members of their party next to him.

“We all in?”  Yoon asked while turning the key in the ignition.  Instantly the metal beast awoke, purring under his hands.  Even the car seemed ready to hit the road.

“Yes sir,” Zeno responded and Yoon could tell he was already stuffing his face with snacks.  It was only nine in the morning; they had just eaten breakfast an hour ago.  How the hell was the guy already hungry?

Shifting the gear stick into drive Yoon maneuvered the automobile away from the curb and onto the street.  Then they were off, familiar houses and smaller branching roads melting together into a blur of neutral colors.  A neighbor waved as they drove past and Yoon returned the gesture.  Oh how he wished he was staying.

It didn’t take long for them to find the highway and good old Charlottesville Virginia to shrink to nothing more than a speck in the rearview mirror.  Now the black top had begun to wind, cutting its way up the rolling hills and towards the mountains.  Yoon was actually looking forward to driving through the mountains.  He’d been up here only once or twice in his four years of living in Virginia.  The thick timbered areas and tranquil lakes reminded him greatly of his home in Vermont.  It was a shame he hadn’t explored the area more, especially since he’d be moving away in August.

“It’s too quiet” Zeno whined, “this trip isn’t going to fun if we never talk.  Wasn’t the point to spend time together?”

“Well, when I was a kid and my family drove anywhere we always created a story.  One person would start and pass it on to the next.  We could do that” Kija suggested timidly from the back.

It took only three seconds of no response for Kija to hastily start back peddling.  He always did that, freaking out if no one said anything almost instantaneously after the words left his mouth.

“Only if you guys want to I mean.  We don’t have to.  It was a silly-”

“Sounds like fun” Yona chirped, cutting off the panicking boy.   “I elect Hak to start us off.”

The burly man didn’t answer and Yoon could feel Yona’s impatience radiating towards the front passenger seat.  In general Yona was very easy going and understanding, one of the qualities that had attracted Yoon to her in the first place.  When it came to Hak however her personality was a completely different can of worms.  It was rather ironic, Yona strived to be independent and able to stand on her own two feet yet she had no problem letting Hak take care of her.  Sometimes it looked to Yoon as if she almost demanded it.  Hak didn’t help the situation either by catering to her requests all the time.     

“Hak!”

Yoon glanced over at the person in question who was currently staring out the window passively.  He could hear the heavy beat of drums and screaming electric guitar from Hak’s music all the way on his side.  It was a miracle the man wasn’t deaf yet.  Yoon nudged him gently and Hak turned to look at him, removing an ear bud in the process. 

“What’s up?”  

“You’ve been handpicked as the chosen one.  Tell us your story oh great messiah” Jae-Ha said, trying his best to cast a mystical lilt into his voice.

Hak swiveled around as far as he could to glare at the green haired gremlin.  _Oh boy, here we go_.  The two were what Yoon liked to call on again off again friends.  They put up with each other out of mutual respect for Yona, and there were a special sprinkling of times when they got along like old buddies (usually when rooting for the same sports team or getting drunk).  Mostly their interactions were dedicated to raising hackles and provoking one and another.  _Just like cats and dogs_.

“What the hell are you talking about Droopy Eyes?”

 Yona immediately explained to Hak what he had missed and the ridiculous game started.  Hak launched into telling some version of an obscure Bronte novel.  He, being the sole literature major in the car, was the only one to have read the book so when he passed over the reins to Zeno the story turned into one involving aliens fighting robots.  It continued on in a silly manner, each person throwing in an equally bizarre iota.  There were quiet interludes filled with words followed by rounds of raucous laughter, absurd attempts at male and female voices accompanied by the most oblique dialogue ever created.  Even Yoon cracked a smile a few times throughout the tale.

“Yoon, you’re up” Kija announced after finishing his segment.  So far he’d evaded being called on.  He preferred it that way.

“I’d rather not.  Just let me listen.”

“Come now future doctor, don’t be a stick in the mud” Jae-Ha drawled, “tell us about a cyborg surgery or something.”

“Yeah Yoon, you’ve been awfully grumpy since leaving.  You’re so serious, just relax” Zeno added.

Yoon clenched the steering wheel, grinding his jaw to prevent himself from spitting some venomous words back at his companions.  Just relax?  He was becoming a doctor, _a doctor for God’s sake_!  He didn’t have the liberty to take it easy.  If he didn’t work his tail off he’d fall behind.  Failure was unacceptable. 

Up ahead and to the right sat a charmingly old gas station built of wood, carvings of bears and deer and other furry critters dusting the front.  It looked rather empty.  _All the better_.  Needing to escape from his friends for a few moments he pulled in and parked the SUV.Unbuckling his seatbelt Yoon opened the door and hopped out, wincing slightly when his sore legs touched the ground.

“Where are you going?”  Shin-Ah asked.  It was the first thing he’d said all day.  _So why is it ok for him not to play the game?_

“Bathroom break” Yoon growled, practically slamming the door closed behind him.

Inside the clerk offered a greeting and Yoon nodded in her direction as he located the bathroom.  Once safely locked inside the four dull white walls he allowed himself to take a few big calming breaths.  _It’s ok, it’s ok, they’re not trying to frustrate you.  They just don’t understand the pressure.  They don’t know what it’s like._ He could feel hot tears begin to well up in the corners of his eyes so for good measure Yoon splashed his face with a handful of cold water.  _There we go, you’re fine._   Now a tad more in control he unlocked the door and opened it.

In the store Yoon caught sight of Yona browsing the candy isle.  It was obvious she had followed him out of worry, and the gesture pulled at his heart strings.  With feelings of guilt piercing his stomach he marched over to her.  Yona turned to face him, eyes already conducting a full sweep to make sure he was alright.

“Listen Yoon, I’m sorry” she began before he could start to apologize.  “I know you really didn’t want to come on this trip and I cornered you into it.  It’s just, you always work _so_ hard.  Too hard.  Med school isn’t going to be easy, I get that, but you need to make sure you take time for yourself too.  We all love you, and who knows how long it’ll be before we can meet up again like this.  I just wanted to give you good memories.”

Her words managed to strike something within him.  Maybe he’d never hear from any of them again after this summer.  Maybe every single one of them would go separate ways; walk different paths that led to futures where the old could not be a part of the new.  Maybe this was goodbye.  But one thing was for certain, Yoon would always look back on his days with these ludicrous dorks fondly.  Their presence had weaved its way into four years of his life, and those memories they shared would eternally make him smile. 

He was being difficult today.  A short vacation wouldn’t bring about his downfall; he could prepare thoroughly once they returned.  Everyone had persistently tried to include him so he could have fun, so he could be a part of the jokes and smiles and joy.  There was still time to mend the growing tear; Yoon would not allow these precious few moments to be painted in shades of contempt.

  “They are good memories and _I’m_ sorry.  Let’s go back.”

Yona shot him a smile which Yoon returned, and the two headed to the vehicle.  Once inside Yoon was bombarded with a medley of loud apologies.  Without saying anything he started the car and merged back onto the highway.  Silence enveloped them, uncomfortable electricity buzzing in the air.  He liked it better when they were all laughing.

“Dr. Thames wasn’t sure what to make of the situation when the cyborg was rolled into his hospital…”

 

_It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them – Ralph Waldo Emerson_


	3. Trust Me

_Disarm you with a smile_

_And leave you like they left me here_

_To wither in denial_

_The bitterness of one who’s left alone_

Waves of cheering rushed into his ears, reverberating through his skull.  There were people all around him, different shapes and colors mixing into one enthusiastic cocktail.  It wasn’t as if they were physically pressing into him, everyone had an individual seat, but Shin-Ah felt acutely uneasy nonetheless.  They were swallowing him whole. 

He tried to ignore the discomfort prickling on his skin and instead focused on the purpose of this feeling.  He and his friends were in Lexington watching a horse race, for what else was Kentucky famous for?  That and fried chicken.  Shin-Ah would have much preferred a stop for lunch instead. 

It wasn’t that he hated animals; in fact he was rather fond of them.  Shin-Ah never had to worry about an animal turning on him for no reason.  They were loving kind existences, all innocent eyes and pure hearts.  He wasn’t, however, fond of what he could see on the race track. The horses, all colored in dark tones of coffee, shined from layers of perspiration as they galloped under the sun.  The riders held themselves a smidgen above the saddle, in tune with the rhythm of their respectful steeds.  It was a partnership, no, a friendship.  Except the men on their backs each held a whip.  Not a whip, a crop.  Regardless of the title it inflicted pain.  Shin-Ah had experienced his fair share of similar devices in action.

Yona nudged him in the arm excitedly just as one of the nearly identical equines won.  The crowd erupted in a cacophony of both delight and disappointment, and Shin-Ah couldn’t help but flinch against the noise.  Loud sudden things still startled him even though the instigator of that reaction had not been a part of his life for many, many years. 

“Are you alright?” Kija, who sat to his right, asked, concern laced delicately in his voice.  Shin-Ah turned to look at the beautiful boy, wide cornflower blue eyes inspecting him carefully.  Shin-Ah had never told anyone about his childhood, those long nights hiding from heavy lumbering footsteps.  The sound of glass bottles shattering on the floor.  He didn’t dare breathe a word of it, and yet Kija seemed to know, to some extent.  Shin-Ah wasn’t sure how, or why, seeing as Kija came from a well to do picture perfect family, the type that sent goofy smiley Christmas cards every year.  Even so he was thankful for his kindness.  They were all kind, and these past four years had blessed Shin-Ah with something he thought would never be within his grasp. 

“Sorry for asking, Shin-Ah!  It was nothing, right?  I shouldn’t have said anything, sorry.”  Now those cobalt eyes were widened in alarm instead of consideration.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he replied softly, words dissapearing into the overpowering noise of the spectators.

People were starting to disperse, some skipping over cheerfully to collect their winnings and others grumbling about losing their bets.  Then there were those like Shin-Ah and his friends, only coming to watch, and leave with nothing more than memories and perhaps a picture or two. 

Once free of their seats, the group began heading out of the arena and to the SUV.  Shin-Ah watched them all, as he always did, gauging their reactions.  He may not have actually contributed a lot of verbal input to their discussions, but Shin-Ah made sure to keep track of their emotions.  If someone felt upset he wanted to make it better in whatever way possible.  They were his beloved family, and Shin-Ah would always take care of them.   

Yona seemed rather cheerful as she bounced by Hak, eagerly telling him all of her favorite parts of the race.  Hak nodded his head at her words, even slightly tilting it down to better catch her jabber, but his eyes remained focused forward.  Yoon and Jae-Ha took the lead, cutting a path through the squirming throng of bystanders straight towards the car.  Out of nowhere Zeno wrapped Yoon in a bear hug causing the boy to stumble forward in surprise.  He turned to scold the blond while Jae-Ha chuckled in amusement.

Kija stayed near Shin-Ah, fluttering about him in a nervous, erratic pattern.  He would move closer, drift away, and then come back once more.  Shin -Ah could feel Kija’s eyes trained on him, still worried, but unsure of what to say.  In that respect Shin-Ah was much like his friend; words were difficult and often eluded him.

“So off to Missouri,” Jae-Ha announced, unlocking the car and unearthing the atlas were it hid under the other necessitates in the vehicle.  “I suppose it’s my turn to take the wheel.  Driver gets to pick the music, right?  Because I burned some CDs and they’re _dying_ to be played.”

Shin-Ah could hear Zeno stifle a groan and Hak sigh.  Jae-Ha listened to a wide variety of music - country, rock, hip-hop, just about anything created in the world.  He felt surrounding himself with all different types of genres helped him when it came to writing his own compositions.  However, he’d go through phases that lasted around a month, where he’d exclusively listen to a certain style or era of music.  June was brimming with the swinging sounds of the fifties and early sixties.

“For the love of God, please no more Elvis Presley,” Hak muttered under his breath as he opened the back door for Yona and the rest of them.

“Come now Hak,” Jae-Ha replied breezily, “considering you’re such a big eighties rock fan I’d think you’d have some love buried in that stone cold heart for the king of rock n’ roll.”

The dark haired man just huffed in response and Jae-Ha smirked, much like the Cheshire Cat.  Occasionally Jae-Ha worried Shin-Ah.  Jae-Ha was clever, and it seemed to him perhaps he was too clever for his own good.  Sometimes the lanky man took part in activities that were shrouded in danger.  Sometimes the thought of his friend in possible trouble kept Shin-Ah up at night.

“Can we get some food before we leave town?” Zeno begged as Jae-Ha exited the parking lot.

“We just ate two and a half hours ago, how are you possibly hungry already?” Yoon demanded in exasperation.   Zeno just shrugged in response, a gesture Yoon couldn’t see as he sat in the middle of the vehicle while Zeno was in the far back with Shin-Ah and Kija.  Yoon let out an embittered sigh, but handed his hungry friend a bag of beef jerky anyway.

“Don’t gobble down too much.  We’re going to have dinner along the way before we reach Saint Louis.  Besides, beef jerky isn’t terribly healthy, you’d better start thinking about what you’re sticking in that body of your’s.”

“Yes, Dr. Yoon.”

The drive ahead was a grueling one, about five hours in total.  Still, Shin-Ah didn’t mind.  He quite enjoyed looking out the window, watching soft rolling hills and rich green pastures lined with thriving trees bid way for bustling towns.

There were many people on the road next to them, each entangled in a web spun of their own life stories.  He often wondered where they were going.  Was the lady in a stunning black dress heading towards a funeral or a formal event?  Where the parents and kids in the navy minivan on their way home or partaking in a family outing?  What song was that teenager listening to, head bobbing along with the beat?

An hour or so into the trip, once everyone had settled down and become occupied with their own devices – Hak glued to a thick leather bound book, Yoon scrawling some sort of list, Yona mouthing words along to her IPod, Kija napping, Zeno still wolfing down snacks-, Jae-Ha inserted one of his mixes into the player.  Even from the back, Shin-Ah spotted the man’s growing grin in the mirror.  Immediately a soft, slightly high pitched male voice flooded the vehicle.  Shin-Ah didn’t listen to much music from the era of Jae-Ha’s latest obsession, but he knew this definitely wasn’t Elvis.

“Hey, I know this song.  Good Vibrations, correct?” it was Kija who had spoken, awoken by the charming tune.  Shin-Ah was surprised Kija recognized the song.  During the past four years he had only heard his friend listen to bubbly pop music, with a few calmer artists like Jason Mraz periodically sprinkled in.

“Right you are.  The Beach Boys are a staple of summer, and they’re from California.  I thought it was fitting since L.A. is our final destination,” Jae-Ha answered, swaying gently to the harmonies of the chorus.

“My mom is a big fan.  She used to listen to them back when she surfed.  This was before she and my dad moved to Minnesota.  You can’t really surf in the snow.”

Jae-Ha hummed a quick response before nudging the volume dial up, effectively ending the exchange.  There were snippets of conversation tossed around here and there, but no one really talked again until stopping in a decently sized town for dinner.  As they slowly cruised down the main drag, Shin-Ah pointed out a combined gas station and fast food joint.  Agreeing this merged business shot two birds with one stone, the group was finally able to stretch their legs, fill the SUV’s tank, and appease their grumbling stomachs.

“It’s not fair,” Yona whined once they were inside and seated, glaring at the three hamburger and two large containers of fries that sat on Zeno’s tray.  “You eat so much junk all the time, and yet you never gain weight.  You don’t even work out.  Sometimes I really hate you.”

“At least if you hate me you’ll always remember me,” was his response, a hearty laugh escaping him.

Hak offered his fries to Yona, and as she reached for them Jae-Ha promptly swiped one and deposited it in his mouth.  Hak glared at the munching man, but before anything could come of it Yoon intervened, chiding the two and demanding they quit behaving like children.  With a dramatic sigh of resignation, Jae-Ha folded his arms on the table and rested his head on them.  He looked tired.

“Jae-Ha,” Shin-Ah called, gently touching the man’s shoulder, “do you want me to drive the rest of the way?  You could take a nap.”

The green haired man turned his head to the side so he could look up at the concerned Shin-Ah, a soft smile playing out across his face.  “Nah, I’m fine.  You’re driving tomorrow anyway.  Thanks for the offer, though.”

Perhaps that was for the best, because once the entire gang was nestled back in the car and on the open road Shin-Ah drifted off into sleep.  He dreamed, but they weren’t the pleasant kind.  Shin-Ah found himself trapped in his seven year old body, lost in a memory.  He was hiding in the basement closet, the only sign of his presence marked by the disturbed dust that danced in the open air between his face and the firmly shut metal doors.  He could hear torpid cumbersome footsteps above.  The basement door was flung open and a rather large man staggered down the worn steps.  From the small slit between the two doors Shin-Ah could just make out the man’s silhouette, a glass bottle in one hand and a thick leather belt in the other.  Biting his lip to quell any sound he might utter, Shin-Ah began shaking. 

Suddenly he was _really_ shaking, almost as if an unseen force was manipulating his body.  _No please stop, he’s going to find me_. 

“Shin-Ah?  We’re here.”

He opened his eyes with a start and jolted a bit forward, Yona’s hand torn away from where she had been shaking his shoulder.  She peered down at him from the door in worry.  It took him a moment; the wisps of the dream where still tangled with reality, but once his mind cleared Shin-Ah realized they were in the parking lot of a Motel 6.  Feeling less refreshed than before he’d gone to sleep, Shin-Ah groggily grabbed his luggage and followed his friends into the lobby.  Once room assignments had been designated – Zeno, Yoon, and Yona sharing the first room, Hak and Jae-Ha splitting the second, and Kija and Shin-Ah together for the third- he wasted no time brushing his teeth, changing into pajamas, and flopping unceremoniously onto his bed.  Kija followed suit, at a slightly slower pace, and the two quickly bid each other good night, turning off the lights and throwing the room into darkness. 

The bed was comfortable and the blankets kept him warm, but Shin-Ah was unable to fall asleep.  The vision of his dream still hung behind his eyes, nipping at his brain and keeping him awake.  No matter how many times he tossed and turned he couldn’t manage to get settled.  Giving up he stretched out flat on his back, staring up towards the ceiling and listening as the clock counted each second that passed. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” a mellow voice whispered from the other side of the room.  Shin-Ah had assumed Kija was already asleep, but perhaps his earlier movements had awoken his companion.  “About what’s bothering you, I mean.  It has to do with the dream, doesn’t it?  When you were asleep in the car it looked as if you were having a nightmare.  I don’t mean to pry, but if you need to talk I’m here.  I hope after four years you can trust me.”     

This wasn’t a subject that could so easily be breached.  It was delicate, fragile.  Simply the thought of opening up caused his heart to seize, his breathing to quicken.  However, in the past Shin-Ah had had a confident, someone he could trust unconditionally.  Talking about what was bothering him did help, Shin-Ah knew that, and Kija was a good friend, he was caring and loyal.  Loyal to a fault some might say, much like a dog. 

Shin-Ah liked dogs.

“I was dreaming about… my childhood.  My mother ran away a few years after I was born… I hardly remember her; after she left my father became an alcoholic.  He used to come home and drink, bring out the belt and relieve his frustrations on me.  At nine child services took me, I was placed with a foster family.  They were nice, they had a son my age, but when I turned eighteen I was no longer the government’s problem.  That’s when I met you guys.”

It was easier speaking in the dark, no eyes digging into him, no looks of pity or sympathy.  Just a calm unending sheet of black wrapped protectively around him. 

He hadn’t intended to say that much, to reveal the story that had built him.  Shin-Ah preferred not to speak, not to give away all the darkest pieces hidden in his depths, but it was undeniably nice throwing all that weight off of his shoulders, even if it was only momentarily. 

“I don’t know what to say,” came the small reply, and how could he?  Kija had a nice home, a loving family, everything Shin-Ah had always wanted.  He was compassionate too, the type that never looked down on anyone.  Although at times Shin-Ah was envious, he couldn’t blame the boy; it wasn’t his fault he was blessed with what Shin-Ah could only dream of.  Life was a game of cards, you simply had to make the best of the hand you were dealt and play.

“Just listening is enough.”

“Oh, in that case please confide in me whenever you’d like.  I’ll always be here for you Shin-Ah, you’re one of my precious friends,” Kija mumbled, voice fading as sleep finally claimed him.

Closing his own eyes, Shin-Ah allowed the threads of sleep to begin pulling him into unconsciousness. Before he was completely out, he replayed those treasured words in his mind once more.

_A precious friend_.

 Shin-Ah hadn’t felt this much peace in a long time. 

  

_You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough – Frank Crane_


	4. Tough as Nails

_We all get hurt by love_

_We all have a cross to bear_

_In the name of understanding now_

_Our problems should be shared_

“We drove all the way across Kansas and didn’t see Superman.”

Yona glanced at Zeno, who stared out the window dejectedly, as if he really had expected to see the man in the red cape.  She couldn’t quite tell if he was making a joke or not.  Zeno liked to believe in as many unusual ideas as possible; he was always watching documentaries about aliens and urban legends of every kind.  Yona wouldn’t have put it past him to truly expect magical abilities to exist.  Superman _was_ an otherworldly being, after all.

“You do realize superheroes are just constructs invented by men to reaffirm the illogical notion good always triumphs over evil and make a ton of money off of gullible people, right?”

_Oh Yoon, always so uplifting._

“Well we’re in Colorado now” Kija said, ignoring Yoon’s cynical reply, “are there any heroes who make it their home?”

“Not that I’ve heard of,” the blond muttered.

While her friend was upset about leaving the state of golden fields and softly rolling hills, Yona was quite excited to finally arrive in the west.  On one of the rare occasions her father had taken off work, they had traveled out to the Rocky Mountains. She could remember the details vividly, their days spent hiking and reveling in nature with nights found occupied by telling stories around a glowing campfire.  She had been young then, only seven, but the memories never faded.    

_It’s really something, isn’t it Yona?  Not at all like the city.  The clean air, the whispering pines, they’re cleansing our souls.  From up here it seems as if our real lives are only a dream, doesn’t it?  I wish we could hide away in these mountains forever, just the two of us.  Just my little girl and me._

_So do I dad, so do I._

“Yona, are you even listening?”

She jumped at Hak’s voice as he reached across her lap and snatched the atlas out of the front passenger seat’s cubby.  “I put you up here to be my navigator.  I didn’t realize you were such a space cadet, princess.”

Yona immediately wrinkled her nose at the detested nickname.  Since their childhood he had referred to her as such, insisting her demanding attitude was enough to warrant the title.  At first Yona had vehemently tried to fight it, but over the years she had resigned herself to her fate.  There were worse epithets, she supposed. 

“Sorry, what is it you wanted?” she asked, snatching the tattered book out of his hands, “and keep your eyes on the road!  Geez Hak, don’t be reckless.”

“I’m not being reckless; my eyes were on the map for about point two seconds. Besides, unlike a certain friend I have, I can multitask.”

“Oh my God, if you two are going to flirt spare us and get a room” Yoon growled, before Yona could rattle off an insult of her own.  She turned back to glare at the annoyed boy.  Her cheeks were growing warm, though not out of embarrassment from Yoon’s accusation.  The heat was a byproduct of her own exasperation. 

 She and Hak were _not_ flirting.  Bantering, yes, but that’s what close friends did.  She’d known the guy for more than half of her life after all, obviously they were fine with teasing each other, but that in no way was flirting.  Not at all.

“At least let me join in” Jae-Ha called, voice buoyant as ever.  “As luck would have it I brought my guitar on our trip; I can play a passionate love song to set the mood.  Romance is so much better with three instead of two.”    

“Not a chance in hell, Droopy Eyes.”

Yona thought she heard Yoon mutter, “at the rate they’re going there won’t even be a romance for two” under his breath, but she decided to ignore his sour words.  Instead she flipped open the atlas to the page on Colorado.  The edge was curling, much to her annoyance- _I just bought this thing before we left_ \- but there wasn’t much she could do to smooth out the rumpled tip at the moment.   

Doing her best to ignore the imperfection, Yona traced their route gingerly with her finger.  She figured they had forty-five minutes tops before they reached Denver.  Forty-five minutes until they were free to roam and explore all the city had to offer.  Yona needed a break from the confinement of the SUV, and she knew she wasn’t the only one.

“What do you guys want to do first?” she asked, figuring it was better to start planning now as to not waste time upon arrival.  “I’d like to visit the botanical gardens at some point.  There’s a famous ice cream shop too.  Shopping for souvenirs would be nice as well.”

“Shin-Ah and I vote ice cream” Zeno called energetically, apparently no longer hung up on the idea of Superman.

“There’s a whisky tasting tour I’d like to take” Jae-Ha announced at the same time Yoon proclaimed, “we need to visit the Denver Museum of Nature and Science.”

“I’m fine with whatever you guys want to do,” Kija added meekly.             

_Oh boy._

They certainly didn’t have enough time to hit all the sights everyone was interested in.  If Yona had known there would be such a flurry of ideas she would have dedicated a larger chunk of time to spend in the city.  But how could she have known? 

When she’d asked the guys what they wanted to see they had all responded with noncommittal replies.  _You’re planning it, so I’ll just trust your judgment Yona.  Whatever works.  It doesn’t matter._ Truth be told, Yona had inquired about activities during finals.  That could have partially caused the blasé remarks.  Regardless, it still presented a problem now.

“Why don’t we split into groups” Hak suggested, “It’s not like we need to be stuck to each other twenty-four seven.  This is a once in a life time trip, might as well see what you want to see.”  

The idea was both solid and logical, an appealing decision that would allow the entire gang to make the most out of the city.  It took the rest of the ride into Denver to decide how groups were going to be formed.  In the end, a four way division was agreed upon.

Yona and Hak would go see the botanical gardens and do a little souvenir shopping, Shin-Ah, Zeno, and Kija were going to visit the ice cream shop (Kija was tagging along as the adult supervision, for allowing Zeno and Shin—Ah to run rampant on their own wasn’t a wise choice), Yoon planned to scour every inch of the science museum, and Jae-Ha had used his phone to sign up for the whisky tour (no one worried about Yoon and Jae-Ha exploring by themselves).   

“We’re here, we’re here!  Let’s go get ice cream” Zeno sang, dragging Kija and Shin-Ah down the sidewalk as soon as the vehicle was parked. 

“Wait” Kija cried, “do you even know where you’re going?  Shouldn’t we get a map first?”

The three turned the corner, Kija’s calls of alarm replaced with the chatter of the crowd and beeping horns from cars. Yona hoped they’d be alright.  _They can’t possibly get into that much trouble, can they?_

“I guess Yoon and I will head out,” Jae-Ha said.  While the two were going to different locations, their destinations were close by and they had opted to travel together.  Yona waved and they were off, Jae-ha trying hard to keep up with Yoon’s zippy pace.

“So you really want to see a bunch of plants?” Yona asked, turning to her remaining friend.  “You know Hak, I’ve known you for a long time and have never once pegged you as the flowery type.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, focusing straight ahead.  Refusing to meet her eyes.

“Maybe I have a secret side that likes to weave daisies into flower crowns and dance among the swaying clover.”

“And then later you read Jane Austin novels in a field of dandelions?  Whatever” she laughed, nudging him amiably on the arm.  Yona was pretty sure she knew the reason, and it had nothing to do with some hidden love for flora.    

When her father had passed away fourteen years ago, Hak had taken it upon himself to diligently remain close by.  In a sense he was her only remaining family.  Her mother had died shortly after she was born, and though her father had a brother, she hadn’t known either him or his son well until she lived with them after her father’s passing.

Yona sometimes felt as though her life was akin to a raging river.  Around every corner lay a new smiling face, a hand reaching out to take hers.  Then the current would separate them, friends becoming strangers once again.  She couldn’t rely on anyone; they always drifted out of her grasp.  Except for Hak, Hak was her raft.  Hak never left.

“What exactly do you want to see in the gardens?  They’re pretty big so I don’t think we can cover them all” Hak was saying, but Yona wasn’t listening.  Instead she was preoccupied with watching a man walking in their direction.  Something was off about him, the way he moved like a predator, the downward twist of his mouth.  He was heading straight towards a woman bent over a pearl white stroller, attending to her infant. 

The peculiar man sprinted forward, snatching the lady’s purse and slipping into the crowd at a dead run.  Yona shot after him, egged on by the cries of the robbed mother. 

The sidewalk was fairly crowded but Yona was small, and she used that to her advantage, ducking under and sliding by people.  Her target wasn’t having such an easy time.  He was broad, though not as broad as Hak, so his pace was considerably slower than hers.  It took a few minutes for her to catch up but only a mere couple of seconds for the thief to notice Yona was tailing him.

He shoved a business man out of the way, but his delay gave Yona just enough time to grab the purse’s strap and yank it her way.  The man turned, glaring down at her, and suddenly Yona felt very  tiny.  Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to chase after a criminal without a plan.  Still, they were in a crowded area, it wasn’t as if he could simply attack her and escape.

“Return the purse” she said, hoping her voice held as much iron in his ears as it did in hers. Yona tipped her head up, gazing unwaveringly into his eyes.  She would not be intimidated. 

He glowered at her a moment longer, and just as Yona was beginning to succumb to nerves, he relinquished his hold. 

_Better to cut your losses than get arrested, right?_

“You’re pretty brave kid” he growled over his shoulder, sauntering away as if he’d never committed a crime in the first place. 

Once he was completely out of view, Yona felt her shoulders sag.  With a shaky breath she clutched the purse tightly to her chest. She could feel her legs trembling, hear the sound of her heart hammer against her ribcage.  What the hell was she thinking?

“What the hell were you thinking?” Hak snarled from behind and Yona must have jumped a foot into the air. 

She wheeled around in surprise, facing her furious companion.  Hak looked down at her, teeth mashed together, jaw locked, dark eyes wild as a tempest.  He was undoubtedly seething.  It was a rare sight; Hak hardly ever lost his cool.

“Helping someone,” Yona responded as calmly as she could.  Better to not enrage the beast anymore than he already was.

“What kind of person takes off after a robber with no backup or weapon?  I was right there, why didn’t you drag me along?  Do you realize how badly this whole situation could have ended?  Jesus Yona, at least let me get to thirty before you decide to give me a heart attack.”

Now she felt a little guilty, she hadn’t meant to shock him.  It was a quick decision made in a sudden situation.  She didn’t have time to mull over all other available options.  Besides, Hak wouldn’t have been able to slide through the crowd as easily as her.  Not that Yona was going to point that fact out.  She knew it would only spur on another bout of reprimanding.

“Sorry Hak, but she needed help.  I realize-”

“I know, I know” he grumbled, cutting her off, “you’re trying to stand on your own two feet.  Miss independent.  In some situations it’s alright to get help, ok?  No one can do everything by themselves, princess.”

Hak was back to using her nickname, so his anger must have slightly simmered down.  That was for the best, Yona didn’t want to have to explain to the other guys why he was so pissed.  Hearing the whole tale would only result in an encore of scolding, this time from five mouths instead of one.  They could learn about it later, maybe a couple years down the road.

“Besides, weren’t you the one telling me not to be reckless” Hak murmured, tapping her nose gently with his finger.  “I hope that lady is still there, otherwise we’re going to have to take her purse to the police station.  There goes visiting the botanical gardens.”

Slinging the leather handbag’s strap around her shoulder, Yona grabbed Hak’s arm and started steering them back in the direction of the woman.  Hopefully she’d still be there.  Even if she wasn’t, at least Hak was no longer mad.  Yona hated it when he was angry with her.

“I know how much you were looking forward to seeing the gardens, so if all else fails I’ll make you a circlet from the next patch of wildflowers we see.  I can even get the guys to weave some and you’ll have an entire set to choose from.”

Hak snorted in disgust, “I’d prefer you didn’t.  I don’t want anything they’ve created.”

“Why not?  I’m just following your advice and getting help” Yona giggled, grinning up in amusement at her friend.

“I’m regretting my words already.”  


 

_When life is tough your instinct is to close your heart.  But if you can accept what happened and reach out to someone, there will always be someone that can bring a solution and help your life – Jane Seymour_

  


	5. Birds of a Feather

_I still might run in silence tears of joy might stain my face_

_And the summer sun might burn me till I’m blind_

_Oh but not to where I cannot see you walkin’ on the back roads_

_By the rivers flowing gentle on my mind_

Zeno had never seen something quite so stirring.

Sure, he’d looked at pictures of nature in books before.  Snaking rivers and thick lush forests, animals staring back from glossy page with soulless eyes.  But this, this was different.

The land wasn’t simply dirt and stone, it was a living thing.  He understood this with the rush of crystal water slipping over rocks, whispering plains where the sharp scent of sage hung in the air.  Mountains and canyons carved ever so carefully by the hands of time.  And the animals, they weren’t pretty things mean to be just another piece of scenery.  No, they were the heart of it all, pelts caked in mud and crisscrossed with old scars, badges signifying their desire to live.

For some unfathomable reason, this new world painted in hues of adventure and pure unbridled wilderness called to him.  Yet the uncertainty of it all terrified him too. 

“Yellowstone is so gorgeous!  I’m so happy we’ve finally made it” Yona exclaimed, pulling the SUV into their designated campsite, “what should we do first?  I mean, obviously we need to set up camp, but after that.  Hiking?  Swimming?  We could go listen to a ranger talk.”

She prattled off a few more ideas, and Zeno caught Jae-Ha and Hak exchange a look.  Without saying anything Shin-Ah opened the door, hopping out of the vehicle and beginning to unpack the needed supplies.  Kija tried to help the hushed man, but even Zeno could tell his friend was green when it came to camping.

It didn’t take long for them to set all they needed atop the old wooden picnic table on their plot.  Grabbing the tent bag, Yona dragged it over to a fairly flat area, unzipping it with gusto and pulling out each part.

“Do you even know what you’re doing?” Hak asked, standing, arms folded, watching her dubiously.

“I’ve done this before.”

“Yeah, fifteen years ago.”

“That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten” she retorted, pointing in the direction of the fire pit, “so just shut your face and go stand over there or something.”

Hak did as he was told, but minutes later it became pretty obvious Yona in fact didn’t remember how to pitch a tent all too well.  She stopped, frowning down at the mess of poles and fabric and stakes.

Zeno was about to offer help (though to be fair, he wasn’t sure he’d be much better at it than her), when Shin-Ah stepped in.  Gently herding Yona to the side, he began constructing their shelter efficiently.

“Wow, Shin-Ah, that’s amazing” Zeno remarked, watching his swift hands with admiration, “I didn’t know you’d ever been camping before.”

“I used to go all the time” he murmured softly, “with my brother, Ao.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother,” Yoon said from where he stood sorting their food on the table, placing packets of rice and noodles into one giant heap.  “I don’t remember you mentioning him.”

Now that Zeno thought about it, he couldn’t recall ever hearing much about Shin-Ah’s family either.  He knew his friend had grown up in New Jersey, and had always dreamed of becoming an architect because of someone in his family.  Perhaps it was his brother.

“Oh hey, I think we should go hiking after this” Kija cut in, with an almost suspicious amount of urgency, “I’ve got a map and it looks like there are a ton of trails.”

Yoon shot him an annoyed look, but dropped his questioning of Shin-Ah, “well what were you expecting, a water park?”

Zeno laughed, grabbing the persnickety boy in a hug.  Yoon let out a yelp, which caused Zeno to giggle even more, but he didn’t try to break free.  He had long learned there was no escape from Zeno’s bear hugs.

After the gargantuan tent had been erected, and the interior haphazardly filled with sleeping bags and flashlights, the group was finally ready to set out and explore.  Yoon did one more final sweep to make sure everything was in place before giving the ok to leave.

“Since it’s evening, I’m thinking a shorter excursion would be the best option.  I mean, we have two more days anyway.  Is that ok?” Zeno heard Yoon say once they were on the road.

He wasn’t listening.

No, Zeno was captivated with everything he saw out the window.  Amber light danced between jade toned pine trees, herds of both elk and deer moved steadily as their calves bounced ahead excitedly.  Hulking bison occupied the prairie lands, paying no heed to passing vehicles.

  _What a beautiful time to be alive_.

“A romantic evening stroll sounds nice.  Yona, want to ditch these guys and gallivant off into our own private part of the forest?” Jae-Ha asked, winking at the girl.

Hak reached back and lazily swatted at him from the driver’s seat, Jae-ha easily ducking out of the way, grinning.

“Jae-Ha, you shouldn’t say things like that” Kija choked out, “how can you even suggest?  I mean-”

“Relax little angel of purity and virtue” he said, swinging an arm around the flustered man’s shoulders, “I was just joking, no need to get jealous.”

“I’m not jealous!”

Zeno couldn’t help but smile at his friend’s goofy antics.  These past four years had been by far the happiest time of his life. He couldn’t believe it was ending.  Once the summer was over they would all separate, and sure, promises would be made to stay in contact, but how often did that really work out?  He didn’t want to lose them, any of them, but Zeno was terrified there was nothing he could do to prevent such an outcome.  They were water cupped in his hands, drop by drop, falling away.

They arrived at their destination about fifteen minutes later, the parking lot appearing exceptionally bare.  It was almost hidden away from the main road, a secret spot known only to those who were really looking.

“Let’s go” Zeno exclaimed, pushing at Hak who seemed to lumber along at an annoyingly glacial pace, “we need to come back before the sun sets!”

The trail was fairly wide, with ample space for two people to walk side by side.  Shin-Ah took the lead, clearly right at home in the wilds.  Zeno had never seen him move in such a confident manner, head up with long steady strides.  Every so often he’d clap his hands together loudly.

“What are you doing, Shin-Ah?” Kija inquired.

“Bears” he simply replied.

“What?”

“Yellowstone has bears” Yoon elaborated, “when hiking you’re supposed to make noise so you don’t surprise them.  Most bear attacks happen when people accidentally sneak up on them.  Didn’t you guys read _anything_ about this place before we left?  At least read the pamphlet they gave us, that’s common knowledge!  Good lord, you lot are exactly the type of happy go lucky idiots that end up dead.”

 “Fear not” Jae-Ha proclaimed, that smile that meant nothing good would be said already stretching across his face, “we have our own bear.  If we run into a wild one, we’ll just let Hak talk to his brethren.”

“Yeah, and the first thing I’m going to tell him is that Droopy Eyes over there would make a delicious snack.”

“How cold!”

Zeno laughed, looping his arm through Yona’s and latching onto her side.  She turned to grin at him, bright eyes sparkling with excitement. 

He felt his heart sink.

How many more chances would he get to spend time with these people?  They were the marble pillars that supported him, the blue skies that whisked him away to a better place.  It seemed illogical to think he wouldn’t be able to make it without them; they hadn’t been a part of the majority of his life, after all.

Still, Zeno knew time was a useless measure when it came to friendship.

“Hey, are you ok?” Yona asked, looking at him on concern.

_Always trying your best to look out for everyone, aren’t you, Yona?_

Zeno could clearly recall when he first met the girl.  He had been in the dining hall of their university, eating at a table alone.  It was the second week and by that time most groups had already been formed.  Somehow he had managed to end up left out.  It hurt, but he was used to it, for most of his life Zeno had played the role of the leftover friend.

Then suddenly this girl appeared, inviting him over to eat with them, chipper smile never wavering.  He glanced at the table she was pointing at to see one other guy.  He looked rather intimidating and brooding, and Zeno wasn’t sure he was actually welcome (eventually he learned Hak just looked like that ninety eight-percent of the time).  He refused, but the girl wouldn’t have it and dragged him over. 

Those were the first friends he made in college.

“I was just thinking about how much longer we can all stay together like this” he admitted, though he tried to keep an airy lilt in his words.

Yona made a face, contemplating.

“I suppose things won’t be the same.  But the same is kind of boring, don’t you think?  Life is an adventure, who knows where we’ll all end up.  That doesn’t mean we won’t ever see or talk to each other again though.  There’s Skype and phones and I’ll even write old fashioned letters if I have to.  Besides, some friendships never grow cold, no matter the years between.  I think we have that here.”

Zeno smiled, shaking his head gently at Yona.

“When did you get so wise?”

“Well, I have this great friend, and he taught me to always stay positive.  He told me, ‘keep your chin up because the sun will always rise, and so will you.’”

Now Zeno was laughing, uncontrollable fits of giggles racking his body.  Had he really said something so cheesy?  Yeah, he was sure those were his lines, who else in this group could have come up with such a sugary piece of advice? 

Even with the overly optimistic tone, there was truth in his words.  Life was full of both lows and highs, and the only way to get through it all was by keeping the memories that meant the most locked up in one’s heart. 

His days spent among this group of quirky individuals he considered family were his treasures.  With the recollection of late night junk food runs during finals, or snowball fights in the dead of winter, he could find his way back home. 

His friends might not always be physically within his grasp, but they’d stay with him, nonetheless.

“Who’s dying back there?” Yoon demanded, turning around to watch Zeno and Yona suspiciously.

Yona waved at him, starting to giggle as well.  Apparently Zeno’s laughs were quite contagious. 

“I knew I should have left the kids in the car” Yoon muttered, turning back around and continuing on his way without a second glance.

“I’m dying of starvation” Zeno called out jokingly, “what are we eating for dinner?”

“Nothing if you don’t stop cackling,” came the retort, which only caused Yona and Zeno to burst out into a new round of cachinnation.

The air was clean and the sun was shining and the wind was blowing.  His companions surrounded him, Shin-Ah leading them safely, Jae-Ha and Hak playfully arguing about something or another, Kija hiding behind a disgruntled Yoon as a dragonfly skittered by, Yona by his side.  Was there ever an instant crafted of finer elements?

No, no there wasn’t.

_And I’ll keep this keepsake in my pocket, from now until eternity._

_But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.  Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls – Khalil Gibran_


	6. In Confidence

_I will set the mirror up_

_To face the blackened sky_

_You will see your beauty_

_Every moment that you rise_

Kija turned to glare at Jae-Ha, the green haired man strumming some country song on his guitar.  He had even tried adding some sort of twang to his voice as he sang.  It wasn’t that Kija particularly despised the genre of music, but after an hour he was done, even if Jae-Ha did have a pleasantly rich singing voice.

Still, Kija wouldn’t say anything.  He didn’t want to rock the boat, and surely Hak would yell at their friend soon, as he always did.

“When you become a famous musician will we get free tickets to your concerts?” Yona asked, rotating the marshmallow she held over the fire they all sat around.

The group was currently in Utah, camping out in some state park made up of desert, desert, and more desert.  At least there weren’t too many bugs out there, and the red color of both the sand and rock formations was undoubtedly pretty.

However, Kija was undoubtedly thankful their next stop would be in Las Vegas.  He was ready for a soft bed and running water again.

“I’m becoming a lawyer, music is only a hobby” Jae-Ha answered, almost wistfully, as he set his guitar against the chair he sat on.  “And I think that’s all I’ve got for the night.  Come back for an encore tomorrow, or we can always arrange a private concert.”  He said that last statement while winking at Yona.

Kija never understood quite why Jae-Ha liked to flirt with Yona so.  Yoon said it was mostly to goad Hak, but what was the point in that?  What if one day he went too far and actually caused a serious fight?  What if Kija was forced into picking sides?  He didn’t want to do that, ever. 

Hak threw a marshmallow in Jae-Ha’s direction, which the man caught promptly, attaching it to the end of his stick.

“Guy, guys!  Look, mine is on fire!” Zeno announced, swinging the burning sweet in a wide arc, Shin-Ah ducking out of the way quickly to avoid the flames.  Yoon bent towards Zeno and blew on the marshmallow, staring disdainfully down at the festering and charred remains of what could have been. 

“Don’t waste food” the future doctor scolded, “you have to eat that.”

Zeno shrugged.  He blew on what was left of the marshmallow and popped it into his mouth, giving a thumbs up as he swallowed.

“As exciting as it is sitting here and almost accidentally lighting our friends on fire” Jae-Ha drawled, shooting a look at the blond, “why don’t we play a game?”

“What kind of game?” Yona asked, leaning forward attentively. 

Jae-Ha smirked, a rakish grin that immediately raised red flags in Kija’s head.

_Oh no, I will not take part in his crazy schemes.  I’ve been dragged into enough to last a life time._

“Just a little game of truth or dare.  It’s harmless.”

_Anything concocted in that brain of yours is far from harmless._

“Let’s play” Yona exclaimed, grinning, “it sounds like fun.”

This wasn’t really what Kija would consider fun, but everyone else seemed on board except for maybe Shin-Ah, it was hard to tell with the quiet boy.

But as usual, Kija held his tongue.  He always held his tongue.  There was a time in which he was not afraid to say what was on his mind.  However life had taught him that imposing your opinion too much on others only got you burned.  He didn’t want to upset his friends, it was better for them to pick out the specifics.  Kija was flexible.

“I’ll go first” Jae-Ha declared, tossing the end of his ponytail over his shoulder dramatically. Typical.

“Hak, truth or dare?”

“Oh God,” Kija heard Yoon mutter under his breath from next to him.

“None of the above.  This is a game played by middle schoolers.”

“Fine” Jae-ha sighed dramatically, shaking his head in mock disappointment, “I suppose I’ll have to choose Yona then.”

Even in the dark Kija could see Hak’s eyes narrow, his jaw clench.  Shin-Ah seemed to slowly edge away from their friend, watching him nervously.  Kija recalled the conversation they had shared in the motel. The one about Shin-Ah’s past.  Perhaps Hak’s obvious annoyance was reminding him of his childhood.

“I-I’ll do it” Kija said suddenly, “why don’t you ask me first, Jae-Ha?”

Jae-Ha swiveled around towards Kija, giving him a curious look but shrugging casually.

“Alright.  What will it be Kija, truth or dare?”

It wasn’t really much of a decision.  There was no way he would ever do a dare devised by Jae-Ha.  Kija knew such a thing would only be created with a sprinkling of horrifying and a pinch of ridiculous.  He’d take the safe route, as always, but in such an instance who could really blame him?

“Truth.”

Jae-Ha’s face scrunched up for a moment, contemplating.  Kija shifted in his seat, feeling his heart slowly lodge itself in his throat.  Jae-Ha was taking too long to decide.  It was going to be something absolutely atrocious, he just knew it.  Go catch a bug and put it on your face, or kiss Yona on the cheek (something that would upset Hak more and completely defeat the purpose of him volunteering), or-

“You’re stranded on a deserted island; what did you bring with you?”

A surprisingly normal question.  Well, for Jae-Ha at least.  It could have been worse, much, much worse.

“You guys,” he answered matter-of-factly. 

Zeno giggled, a sweet sound that suddenly made Kija regret his choice all the same.  He had said something positively stupid.  He sounded clingy and needy.  Now they were going to think he was weird.  He should have just made up something reasonable, like a knife or a jug for water.

“I-I mean, the more people there are the more you can accomplish.  But forget it, that was dumb and-”

“Why do you always take back your words?” Hak asked from across the crackling flames, “if they’re what you truly believe stand by them.”

 _Don’t be a sniveling coward, that’s what he really means_ a voice in his head growled, _no one likes a pitiful person who can’t stand on his own._

 _Shut up, shut up, shut up_ he told it.

Kija hated that voice, it was always there, whispering he was never good enough.  That people accepted him just because he was useful for the moment.  As soon as his presence grew stale in their mouths he would be replaced.

He needed to not upset them, to keep them placated.  He didn’t want to be lonely again.

_But they’re not like that, not like my other friends.  They wouldn’t abandon me just because of a difference of opinions._

_If it happened once, it’ll happen again.  All people are the same_ it taunted.

He really hated that voice.

“It’s a habit right?” Yona interjected kindly, grabbing his hand and giving it a soft squeeze, “they can be so hard to break.”

It was more than just a habit; it was a way of thinking.  For so long he had lived under the belief he wasn’t on the same level as others, in any arena.  Not as smart, not as good at sports, not as funny.  It was completely illogical, and yet it was a fragment buried within himself that he could not simply cut out. 

There was absolutely nothing spectacular about Kija.

He was plain, and so unimaginably lucky to have his friends.  He would do his utmost to ensure he kept them.  That was why he had to avoid arguments at all cost; they would poison his little piece of paradise.

“I have a solution!” Jae-Ha proclaimed in such a theatrical manner Kija wasn’t sure he wanted to hear his companion’s idea.

They all waited, and yet Jae-Ha said nothing.

“Well what is it, Droopy Eyes?  Spit it out already or we’ll be sitting here until our hair turns grey.”

“You can’t ruin the build up like that, Hak” he chided, “anyway, how about from now on we all wait a few seconds before replying to Kija?  That way he will no longer think a pause is a bad thing, but see it just as how we think about what we’re going to say.”

Kija had to give credit to him this time; it wasn’t a bad idea at all.  It could work if they really stuck to it, but would they?

_Of course not, they’ll forget about it in a few hours._

He curled his hands tightly until they formed fists on his lap, nails digging into flesh. 

_No, no they won’t._

“I would appreciate it.  But of course I understand such a thing can be burdensome, and I don’t want to force you all-”

“Kija” Shin-Ah called softly, silencing the rambling boy, “you worry too much.”

Zeno nodded, smiling, “he’s right, you know!  Kija, you’ve always been there for us.  Now it’s our turn!”

“Yeah, remember last year when I got that terrible cold and you personally went and told each of my professors?  You also made me soup” Yona said thoughtfully, “or the time you stayed up all night making handmade paper decorations for Shin-Ah’s birthday party?  Or when you went out to a club to pick up a wasted Jae-Ha and bring him home at three a.m.?”

Kija remembered all of those instances, of course he did.  He wanted to be the best friend he possibly could, not just in order to win their favor.  He genuinely liked them, every single one of their quirks and weird habits, their personalities that were all so very different and yet seemed to mix almost effortlessly together.

He loved them, he really did. 

“You guys remember all of that?”

“Of course” Hak replied earnestly, “why wouldn’t we?  You’re a good friend, Kija, even if you are dumb at times.”

“Hak!  Be nice, will you?” Yona grumbled from Kija’s side, glaring at the man.

“I am being nice” he sang, smiling broadly at both Kija and Yona.

Perhaps in his own way Hak was.  Now that Kija thought about it, he had never witnessed Hak teasing anyone unless he considered that person a friend.  That had to make Kija a friend, right?  The only person he teased more than Kija was Yona, and that pair had always been together, after all.

“In that case, please do help me.  I’d really like to be more comfortable with myself.”

_They don’t really want to.  You’re imposing your desires on them, they’ll hate you, they’ll-_

_No, you’re wrong.  I don’t need you anymore, I have them._

“Of course” Zeno exclaimed brightly, “you’re like our brother.  Family is family; we stick together and watch out for each other!”

Family.

Kija liked the sound of that.

“Kija, for every time you flip out, I’m giving you less food.  Hurry up and like yourself” Yoon grumbled.

“I’ll do my best, mom.”

“I’m not your mother!”

_With confidence, you have won before you have started – Marcus Garvey_


	7. Life's Too Short

_But when a dream is calling you_

_There’s just one thing that you can do_

_You’ve gotta follow that dream wherever that dream may lead_

_You gotta follow that dream to find the love you need_

 

 

“Do you think they need help?” Kija inquired from where he sat perched on the bed in their hotel room.  The mattress was bowed greatly under his weight, and the sheets looked rougher than what even Jae-Ha was accustomed too, but it was clean, a definite upgrade from hard dirt floors and sleeping bags.  It would do.

“Kija, you haven’t spent much time with girls, have you?  They take forever to get ready.  This is normal.”

“But Yoon is with her.  Surely he doesn’t have the patience to wait as she…does whatever it is she is doing.”

Jae-Ha snorted, mouth quirking up in a small grin.  Even at his age, Kija was so innocent.  Almost unbelievably so.  Perhaps Jae-Ha ought to teach him a few things.  It wasn’t good to remain unaware in the matters of men and women.

“Yoon is a perfectionist, he’s the one probably holding them back,” Jae-Ha sighed.

A hard knock at the door sounded, one that probably wasn’t the two in question.  Kija bounded over, opening it to reveal Hak and Shin-Ah.  The two men entered, Hak exchanging a quick look with Jae-Ha.

_I suppose this means Yona isn’t finished yet._

As they waited, slightly impatiently, Jae-Ha observed his friends to pass the seemingly endless time.  Kija was dressed up a little more formally than any run of the mill club would require, but he looked excited so Jae-Ha didn’t plan on pointing that out.  Shin-Ah was in all black, onyx from head to toe.  He looked more like a hit man than an actual partygoer.  Jae-Ha wouldn’t be the least bit shocked if it was the drug dealers that flocked to him instead of the ladies. Hak was wearing a simple tank top and jeans.  Not really appropriate club wear, but he didn’t care.  There was only one girl he had his eyes on and she wouldn’t be found where they were going.  Zeno-

Wait, where was Zeno?

“Is Zeno still in the room?” Jae-Ha asked Hak.  This time around Hak, Shin-Ah, and Zeno would be staying together.  During the previous sleeping arrangements, Jae-Ha had been scrunched into a room of three.  He was glad for a reprieve.

“He wanted to go check on Yoon and Yona.  Knowing our future doctor, Yoon probably put him to work curling hair or something” Hak replied, eyes never leaving the firmly shut door.

Jae-Ha was about to respond when a sharp rapt knock bounced around the room.  Shin-Ah quickly opened the door and Yoon marched in, a determined scowl painted across his face.  Zeno followed, skipping and humming some overly cheery tune.  Yona entered last.

She was beautiful.

Red hair gently curled, unwavering eyes etched into skin with charcoal toned outlines.  Lips colored in hues of blooming spring roses.  She wore a simple dress, black in color that fit snuggly to her small stature.

No one said a word.

Self consciously Yona looked down.  She took a small step but managed to trip, more likely thanks to the sky high heels Yoon had decked her in than anything else.  Hak reached out, catching her arms and steadying her. 

“Well, I must say, you clean up nicely kid,” Jae-Ha winked, the spell of awe that had settled over them broken by the image of Yona stumbling.

“Uh, thank you” she said distractedly, glancing up at the man whose hands were still on her arms.  “I’m ok now Hak, you can let go.”

Hak jumped, quickly relinquishing his hold and backing up to give her space.  Jae-Ha had to bite his lip to prevent himself from bursting out laughing.

“You’ve always been pretty, Yona” Zeno giggled, “but now you look like a movie star.  Yoon did a good job.”

“Of course I did,” the doctor to be snapped.  “I can do anything.”

Kija and Shin-Ah nodded, probably more in affirmation of Zeno’s words than Yoon’s.

“Then since we’re all here, let’s head out.  I’ve read about this club online, and I don’t want to miss a minute of it,” Jae-Ha announced.

“What’s so great about this one?” Kija asked, after the group had left the room and managed to somehow all squeeze into the elevator.

Jae-Ha grinned.

“Girls,” he purred.  “They’re supposed to be real beauties.  I bet we can even find you a lady for the night.”

“N-no.  I could never.  I mean, I am, and they are-” the boy stuttered, face as red as the morning sky.

“Easy there, I was just kidding,” Jae-Ha laughed, patting his friend on the shoulder.

_But maybe some time with an interested girl would help boost his confidence._

Jae-Ha would be sure to keep his eyes open for such a soul.

The elevator dinged, doors not even completely open before the group of friends began spilling out into the hotel lobby.  They left the building, Jae-Ha cringing slightly as the blistering summer heat blew away all remaining traces of air conditioning.  At least the city had cooled since the sun had set.  That in itself was a little blessing to be thankful for.

The walk to the club wasn’t long. That was rather by chance than any prior planning, but Jae-Ha was glad all the same.  It was still fairly early and while the smell of alcohol did hang in the air it was more of a ghost than an actual presence.  The display signs illuminating the sky were breathtaking in a whole different way than the nature he’d seen days before.  Neon lights of every color danced in patterns, each trying to draw more attention than the last.

“Jae-Ha, is this it?” Yona asked, pointing toward an older looking building.  A sign stating its name hung above, flashing as if it could hypnotize and draw in patrons.

“Yes.”

A line of people wrapped around the building, some chattering excitedly with their companions, others checking their phones.  All of them looked impatient. 

Jae-Ha turned for the entrance, about to lead his friends to the back when he heard a deep voice call out his name.  It was a familiar voice, one that he hadn’t heard in many a year.  One that brought bittersweet memories crashing down around him.

He turned to see one of the bouncers at the door beckoning him. 

“Jae-Ha, do you know that man?” Shin-Ah asked, pointing at a face Jae-Ha thought he’d never see again.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

Jae-Ha walked over and the man smiled broadly.  He still had the same cornflower blue eyes, marked with flecks of hazel.  The same easy going grin that dissolved all anxieties and fear.

“Jae-Ha, it really is you!  I can’t believe this.  How long has it been, four years?”

“Six.  And it’s good to see you’re still as handsome as ever, Moon.”  His words were coated in a slightly saturnine tone.

“Stop hitting on me, you’re going to give all the girls the wrong idea,” Moon laughed, tilting his head at the six individuals that had pooled behind Jae-Ha.  “And I see you’ve brought some buddies.  Well, how about I let you guys in?  Consider it perks of having an old friend in the business.  Maybe later we can catch up, when my shifts over.  I’ll look for you inside.”

“Sure.”

Kija tried to protest, of course, but Moon waved his hand, ushering the group in through the doors.

The thumping bass was the first thing to hit, rattling Jae-Ha’s skull.  Then the smell of sweat spiced with something sweet.  There were people packed on the dance floor and people packed at the bar.

A perfect place to spend the evening.

Yet, the chance meeting had soured Jae-Ha’s mood.  He would take no joy in watching Hak chase away prowling men from Yona, or Kija stumbling over himself as girls hit on him.  He needed some fresh air.

Telling Zeno he’d be back shortly, Jae-Ha slipped into the crowd, quickly finding a backdoor and opening it.  Before him stood an alley.  With a sign he shut the door, moving a few feet away to slouch against one of the brick walls.

He could hear sirens blaring a couple blocks away but besides that, it was quiet.  

Then the door opened again, and much to Jae-Ha’s surprise, Hak came out of it.  The man moved to stand beside Jae-Ha, watching him speculatively.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

_Always straight to the point, aren’t you.  No charm whatsoever._

“Just a blast from the past” Jae-Ha answered breezily, “one that brings-”

“What is this really about, Jae-Ha?”

Jae-Ha sighed again, this time with much more weight.

“You’re so nosy, Hak.  Women don’t like that in a man.”

A glare.

“Very well.  He and I used to be in a band together, from the time we were little to about halfway through high school.  We planned to go professional with it.  It was our dream.”

“And?”

“I have to become a lawyer” Jae-ha recited, upbeat voice he had been trying so hard to preserve fading slightly.  “It is expected of me.  I come from a long line of lawyers, you know.  Music isn’t a respectable job.  I can keep it as a hobby, but that’s it.”

He could still hear his father saying those exact words.  Smell the bitter scent of coffee from the office where the man sat, observing him with a touch of disappointment as he always did.  Jae-Ha had never been quite enough like the golden child his father wanted.

_It’s good to diversify your skills; that makes you more marketable.  But you’ve been carrying on with this focus on music for far too long.  It’s almost time for your SAT.  You need to get serious, Jae-Ha.  I know you’ll make the right decision, I know you’ll make me proud._

“That’s pretty stupid,” Hak said bluntly.

Jae-ha shot him a look, not entirely surprised at how brusque Hak’s words had been.  But perhaps that straightforwardness was what had drawn Jae-Ha to him in the first place.  There were no lies with Hak, only the truth.

“Your words wound me.  This is something I’ve been herded towards my entire life.  I don’t have a choice.”

“Of course you do,” Hak shot back.  “Listen, I’m only going to say this once.  Whether you believe in heaven and hell or reincarnation or that death is the absolute end, you’ll only be on this earth for one lifetime as you.  You need to do what you want, not what others want.  Besides, your compositions are tolerable and your singing voice isn’t off tune.  You’re not a half bad musician.”

Jae-Ha laughed.

“Coming from you, that compliment is on the same level as if Beethoven rose from the grave and said he wanted me to play for him.”

“You better not be getting mushy on me, Droopy Eyes,” Hak grinned, slapping him on the back heartily.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.  My sensitive persona is only available for the ladies who need comforting.  But thank you.”

And Jae-Ha really meant it.

He still had time to think, the summer had barely begun after all.  If he did decide to pursue music it would be an uphill battle.  Jae-Ha already knew his father wouldn’t take the news well at all.  He’d be disappointed, furious, disgusted.  He might even refuse to see Jae-Ha for a long, long time.  Even so, music was Jae-Ha’s life.  There had always been a part of him dedicated to it, even under the mountains of pressure to enter the field of law.  It was his calling, the path he had wondered off of that he still yearned for.  He needed to find it once again.

Besides, Jae-Ha was a charmer.  He could turn his family’s opinion around, he just knew it.

“Well, now that your existential crisis has safely ended, what do you say we head back in?” Hak said trenchantly, pushing himself off of the wall.

“I think I could manage that” Jae-Ha responded, a wicked grin spreading across his face.  “Speaking of managing things, I’m surprised you left Yona in a den of wolves all by herself for so long.  She does look rather cute tonight.  I wouldn’t be surprised if some man came along and scooped her right up.”

Hak shrugged, though Jae-Ha could see him tense slightly at his suggestion.

“The other four are in there.  While three of the four probably wouldn’t know how to stop a creep from hitting on her, Yoon is well equipped to handle a situation like that.  He’s like a vicious little Chihuahua.  No one messes with Chihuahuas.”

Jae-Ha snorted.

“Right, right.  Say, I wonder if I could convince the DJ to play some choice songs.  They would be a nice change of pace from all of this continuous pop.”

Hak only groaned in reply.    

 

 _Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition – Steve Jobs_ __  
  


 


	8. The First Step is Always the Hardest

_Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand_

_Love letters in the sand, I remember you_

_Through the sleepless nights and every endless day_

_I wanna hear you say, I remember you_

Hak turned at the loud sigh, only to see Yoon tapping the steering wheel impatiently.  His fair face was scrunched up and he looked rather annoyed.  Though, to be completely honest, Yoon usually looked thoroughly irked.  Hak could only remember a handful of times the boy appeared to be at peace, and even those sparse instances were short lived.

It had to be a future doctor thing. 

“Oh look” Yona called excitedly from somewhere behind him, “there’s a parking spot, Yoon!  To your left.  Quickly, it may be the only one we find for a while.”

And wasn’t that the truth.  The group had finally arrived in L.A., ready to explore and drink in all the city’s secrets.  Of course, that was easier said than done, especially when it was practically impossible to find anywhere to park their mammoth vehicle.  It was to be expected, Hak supposed, Los Angeles was the quintessential example of a bustling city, after all.

Yoon managed to wedge the SUV into the puny spot, and before he had even taken the keys out of the ignition Zeno was already bounding out the door.  He twirled for a second, giggling, before grabbing onto Shin-Ah and yanking the man out with him.  Shin-Ah lurched forward violently, but managed to land and regain his balance.

“Be careful, Zeno!” Kija chided, his words abruptly ending with a yelp as he accidentally banged his head while exiting the car.  Jae-Ha snickered behind him.

“Children, every single one of them,” Yoon grouched.

Hak said nothing, instead relishing in the sensation of finally being free from such a tight space.  They’d been trapped for too many hours, and though Hak wasn’t anywhere near claustrophobic, even he’d been ready to escape from his seat as soon as possible.

“Hak” Yona called, bumping her shoulder with his.  The touch sent white hot sparks spiraling down  his arm.  “You’ve been here before, right?  Didn’t Grampa Mundok take you one time?”

Yes, his eccentric grandfather had once randomly pulled him out of school and taken him to the City of Angels as a child.  Mundok was always partaking in crazy schemes, ones that often caused Hak to question the old man’s sanity.  Then again, Hak did owe a lot to him.  Mundok had saved him from a system wrought with never ending cycles of passing faces and lukewarm hearts.  _Foster care is no place for a young child_ , he had said.  Hak completely agreed with him on that front.

“Yeah, I was pretty young though” Hak answered, still slightly distracted by how close Yona was.  He knew they’d grown up together, but still, over the years she seemed to have lost all sense of awareness when it came to him.  Perhaps that was for the better, Hak wasn’t sure his heart could handle an amorous Yona.       

“Great” she chirped, spinning around to catch the attention of their friends.  “Tour guide Hak is going to show us all there is to see.”

_That’s some faith you have in me, princess._

Jae-Ha shot him a speculative look, but kept his mouth shut.  Yoon dug out a map from his bag and handed it to Hak.  Hak unfolded it, eyes tracing over printed streets and names.  They were already in the downtown area, which helped greatly as a lot of the attractions were located there.

“Well, we’re fairly close to The Last Bookstore.”

“We drive all the way from Virginia to California and you want to take us to a bookstore?” Jae-Ha asked, not even attempting to mask the derision in his tone.

“It’s not your every day Barnes and Noble,” Yoon lectured.  “I’ve heard about it before, it’s very famous.  I think we should go take a look around.”

“Of course the bookworm would say that,” Jae-Ha muttered under his breath.  The green haired man then turned to the others, waving his hand in such a dramatic motion Hak had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.  “I can’t be alone on this.  You don’t really want to go either, right Kija?  Shin-Ah?  Zeno?  Back me up here.”

Jae-Ha hadn’t bothered asking Yona, which struck Hak as slightly odd considering the flirt always made sure to pay attention to her.  Then again, it was a well known fact that Yona could spend hours in bookstores, reading the backs of novels and falling down the rabbit hole into worlds unknown.

“I….don’t mind,” Shin-Ah murmured.  Kija nodded vigorously along to his words while Zeno merely shrugged.

Jae-Ha sighed dramatically, and Hak was beginning to think his friend needed to pursue acting instead of music or law. 

“Even if there’s a really delicious bakery nearby?  You guys can gallivant through rows of old paper all you want, but I’m going to enjoy a mille-feuille and coffee” he said, grin twisting up his mouth as he caught sight of Zeno’s face lighting up.

“On second thought” Zeno sang, hooking his arms through Kija’s and Shin-Ah’s, “sweets do sound nice.  Come on Kija and Shin-Ah, Jae-Ha is buying.”

Hak didn’t recall the man making that promise, but he wasn’t about to point it out.  Zeno pulled the two down the street with him, Kija struggling a little and babbling in bafflement. 

“I better go round up the kids” Jae-Ha sighed, “they’re going in the wrong direction, after all.  If you need me, text me.”

Hak nodded along absentmindedly.  Jae-Ha was pretty decent when it came to navigation, he’d make sure they didn’t wind up on the other side of town.

“And Hak” Jae-Ha said, leaning down so the man was practically whispering into his ear.  “Consider this payback for your help in Las Vegas.  Yoon will wonder off somewhere and leave the two of you alone.  Make a move already, you’ve been playing it safe for too long.”

Hak stiffened.  Backing away from that sickly sweet voice he glowered at the speaker, doing his best to keep his expression controlled.  There was no way in hell he was going to let Droopy Eyes know his words had shaken him.

“Don’t be ridiculous” Hak growled, reaching out to smack the green haired gremlin.  “We’re just friends.”

“Sure you are” Jae-Ha purred, and with that ever smarmy expression he danced off after the others.

After the departure of one exceptionally aggravating fiend, it didn’t take long for Yoon to round up the remaining two and demand Hak take them to their destination. 

“Only idiots waste time standing on the sidewalk.”

_Roger that, drill sergeant Yoon._

The bookstore’s location wasn’t too terribly far away, but the thickly crowded streets made the walk seem to equal the length of a marathon.  Yoon was surprisingly a virtuoso when it came to snaking through throngs of people.  Perhaps it was his seemingly permanent scowl that caused pedestrians to gravitate out of his way.  Yona wasn’t so lucky.  Many a time she fell behind, people accidentally knocking shoulders with her.  Finally Hak placed her directly behind him, putting his colossal stature to use and acting as a shield.

After an eternity he spotted the store, carefully opening the door and letting his two friends enter.  Once inside and out of the massive herd of city goers, Yona leaned against one of the walls, crumpling with a sigh.

“Are you feeling ok?” Hak immediately asked, rushing next to her and gently grabbing her shoulders.  Yona raised her head, smiling wryly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  I guess I’m just not cut out for the big city life.”

Hak said nothing.

Now would be the appropriate moment to let go, but Hak found himself frozen.  Suddenly Jae-Ha’s words rushed back into his head, like some sort of sorcerer’s spell coaxing him to do things he had never dared to do.  Yona gave him a curious look, but said nothing.  That meant she didn’t completely hate it, right?  Maybe-

“I’ll be in the medical section” Yoon announced, and Hak hastily sprang back, practically knocking over a display of books in the process.

“O-ok,” he sputtered.

_God, what was I thinking?  This is all Jae-Ha’s fault.  If that bastard had just kept his mouth shut none of this would be happening._

Hak cleared his throat, hoping something clever would pop into his mind and he could simply smooth over this instance as he always had in the past.  That was the way they did things, collide and then break apart, a dance of both restraint and desire that never ended.

 Words seemed to have completely abandoned Hak this time.  Or perhaps there was just too much he wanted to say, his tongue weighed down with phrases that both terrified and excited him.

“I think I’m going to check out the mysteries” Yona finally said, severing the tension that hung tightly between them. 

“Oh, me too.”

He let go.

_What are you doing, moron?_

The mystery section was tucked away in a corner, tall wooden shelves housing a plethora of novels.  Some books sat stacked on the carpeted floor, caked in thick dust that muted the colors of their covers. 

Yona ran her hand softly along the backs of those sitting on the third shelf, stopping every so often to pluck one out and give it a read over.  She eventually settled on a monstrous blue one, simple in every way, save for the elegant gold cursive writing that embellished the front.  She flipped it open, already lost within seconds.

Hak hovered nearby, still painfully aware of the pounding in his chest.  He’d considered telling the truth to Yona for a moment, as Jae-Ha had said, but that only caused his anxiety to increase.  Now his stomach was doing back flips through hoops of fire. 

“Is something wrong, Hak?” Yona asked, closing the book and tucking it under one arm.  God, she’d always been good at reading him, even when he tried his best to hide.  Maybe he was like one of her books, pages and pages of information that never failed to be absorbed into her mind.

“No.  You’re just indulging in that overly active imagination as usual, princess.”

She scrunched up her face at the nickname, as she always did, but even his playful jab couldn’t deter her relentless questioning.

“What’s going on?  You know you can always talk to me, right?  About anything.”

_Yes well, ignorance is bliss, isn’t it?_

“It’s not important,” he affirmed.

“Of course it is” she snapped, suddenly invading his space.  Hak scrambled back, only to bump into one of the bookshelves.  Yona didn’t back away, keeping him pinned with those endlessly fierce violet eyes.  “If it’s bothering you this much it clearly is important.  Stop playing this stupid game of yours.  Out with it!”

They’d been six the last time Hak had seen Yona this upset with him.  He’d hidden one of her dolls in the big cedar tree behind his house.  She’d latched onto his arm with an iron grip and demanded he take it down. 

How times had changed.

“What’s bothering me is the game _we_ play,” he muttered through gritted teeth.  His mouth was as dry as a summer desert and his heart was lodged in his throat, but at this point Hak didn’t care anymore.  Maybe Jae-Ha was right, maybe it was better to just shuffle the deck and see where the cards fell.  “You move closer and then drift away.  I never know what you’re thinking and it drives me _insane_.  I don’t say anything because I know how I feel about you, but I have no idea what you think of me.”

Yona didn’t say a word, simply staring at him with the widest eyes Hak had ever seen.  Her mouth hung slightly open, like a Saturday morning cartoon, and he couldn’t help but crack a smile at the scene.  If nothing else, at least he’d seen a new side of his best friend.

“H-Hak, are you saying-?  I mean, you and me and” she stuttered, clearly completely caught off guard by his bold proclamation.  She took a large breath, steadying herself.  “What I mean to say is, do you like me?”

_No, I love you._

“I thought I had made that fairly obvious” Hak said, raking a jittery hand through his hair.  “I never tried to hide how I saw you.”

“W-well, yes.  I had my suspicions, but I just thought I was over analyzing things.  That’s a bad habit of mine, you know.  Besides, you never came right out and _said_ it.  Relying entirely on speculation is the way of fools.”  She was rambling, a tell tale sign she was just as nervous as him.  That was more comforting than anything else.  “And-”

“Yona.”

Her mouth snapped shut, eyes making their way up to his neck but refusing to go any higher.

“How do you see me?”

There it was; the door that could either lead to heaven or hell.  The door that would forever alter everything that was.

“I’m not sure” she squeaked, still refusing to meet his eyes.  “Can I have some time to sort everything out and think about it?”

Hak let out a shaky sigh.  A ‘maybe’ was definitely better than a ‘no’.  Besides that, Yona hadn’t stopped blushing.  She was flustered.

“Of course.”

Perhaps he ought to thank Jae-Ha later.

 

 

_Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage – Lao Tzu_


	9. Epilogue

_Sun on your face and remember the place we met_

_Take a breath and soon I bet you’ll see_

_Without you I would never be me_

_You are the leaves of my family tree_

Kija and Jae-Ha were the first to arrive.  They pulled their powder blue Lexus off of the road and parked it right beside Hak and Yona’s own vehicle.  The two quickly got out, their bickering carrying on the wind and drifting into Yona’s ears like a long forgotten song. 

Yona had kept in close contact with those two ever since graduation.  Though they seemed to constantly be arguing over one thing or another, they’d been roommates for five years now.  Sometimes she wondered if that was all they’d ever be, because even among the sly teasing and flustered quips Jae-Ha and Kija always seemed to be glowing around each other. 

“Yona” Kija called, rushing forward and wrapping the girl in bear hug.  Yona laughed, returning the gesture with just as much affection. During their Skype calls it had appeared like her friend had been growing more confident and assured of himself.  She was glad to see that was true.

Jae-Ha was up next, giving her a quick squeeze and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek.  The men then turned to Hak, Kija offering a warm handshake and Jae-Ha leaning forward with a grin to whisper something into his ear.  Hak made a face, smacking their friend on his shoulder.

“It’s been six years and you’re still as annoying as ever, Droopy Eyes.”

“It’s been a while since anyone has called me that.  Now days most people refer to me as a musical genius.  America’s guitar god.  The sexiest singer alive.”

While Yona wasn’t sure she could agree with all of those titles, she had to admit, Jae-Ha was very talented.  And very popular.  She and Hak had attended a couple of his concerts when he had had shows nearby.  They’d been given the best seats, courtesy of their old friend, and Yona had certainly thought the shows were great fun.  She could have done without all the fangirl shrieking, however.

“And what about you, Kija?  Still teaching first grade?” Yona asked.  She had always believed working with little kids was a good fit for the gentle man.

“Yes, I’ve” he stopped, using a pale hand to shade his eyes, “I think that’s Shin-Ah.”

Yona turned to see a broad figure walking towards them alongside the desolate blacktop.  She hadn’t even heard his car approaching.  In the grand scheme of things that wasn’t so odd, Shin-Ah had always been the quiet sort, able to seemingly materialize out of thin air, almost like a ghost.  Then again, ghosts could not be part of one of the most successful architectural firms in the country.

“Shin-Ah!” Yona yelled, waving excitedly at her friend.  He waved back, and she was positive she saw his lips curl up slightly.  The sight warmed her heart.  If anyone, Shin-Ah deserved to smile until his cheeks were sore and weary.

Before Shin-Ah could completely make it over to them Yoon appeared, right on time.  He had always been meticulous, but his attention to time only increased after becoming a doctor.  The ER could not be run efficiently without precision on every front, after all. 

The man greeted them in a slightly huffy manner, as expected.  Some things never changed, no matter the years that flew by.  It only took moment before Yoon began scolding Jae-Ha for teasing Kija, and grumbling about the fact Zeno was late, an unforgivable sin, according to the doctor.    

“Well, don’t forget he’s bringing his wife.  She probably took forever getting ready.  Gotta make sure her eyeliner is just right because she’s meeting the sexiest singer alive,” Hak deadpanned.

“Oh, hush” Yona muttered, elbowing her husband in the side.  Hak looked down at her amiably and grinned.  She couldn’t help but return the expression; Hak’s smiles were dangerously contagious.  “Well, she is pregnant.  Of course it’ll take them a little longer to get here.”

All was quiet for a moment, the calm before the storm.  The silence erupted into a cacophony of questions and surprise.  Hak, through Yona, knew, and Shin-Ah did not appear as if this was his first time hearing such news, but the other three were obviously shocked.

_Zeno, how could you forget to tell them something so important?_

“Yona, if you knew why would you make our meeting point in the middle of nowhere?” Yoon demanded, pointing a finger at her.  “This isn’t healthy for either of them.  I thought you had at least that much common sense.”

It seemed even Yona wasn’t safe from Yoon’s wrath, though she had sent him plenty of care packages while he was in medical school.

“I think the doctor here needs to prescribe himself some sort of medicine to lower his blood pressure” Hak said, “careful there doc, or you’ll have a heart attack.  Kaya is only a month or so along, she’ll be fine.”

“Kaya is a pretty name” Jae-Ha mused, “I bet she’s gorgeous.”

“And married,” Kija added tartly.

Jae-Ha smirked, swinging an arm around the other man’s shoulders.  He shot Kija an affectionate look and Yona figured it was only a matter of time before she would be helping with a wedding once again.

“Speaking of” Yoon said, nodding his head at a silver car that had pulled off the road, “I think that’s them.”

The friends walked, no, stampeded, towards the vehicle.  Though Yona had heard about Kaya from Zeno, she had never actually met the girl and she was a little worried the group’s over exuberant nature might be a lot to handle in the beginning.

Zeno hopped out of the car first, ever sunny smile intact as it always was.  He skipped around to the other side, opening the door and leading Kaya to the waiting group.

She was a cute girl, soft face and deep eyes as sweet as chocolate.  She smiled shyly, looking around at all the eager faces that surrounded her.  Yona nudged the boys back, deciding it was best if she introduced herself first.

“Yona, right?” Kaya asked softly before Yona could say anything, glancing up at Zeno for conformation.  The blonde nodded, squeezing her hand gently in reassurance.  Zeno might have forgotten to tell their friends the couple was expecting, but he seemed to have filled Kaya in on their group.  She knew all of their names and faces, shooting each person an adorable smile as she met them.  “I’m Kaya.  I’m an epidemiologist and I like coffee and picking flowers?  Sorry, I don’t really know what to say. What do you guys usually do for these events?”

Yona felt all eyes bore into her.  She had been so busy with work and other bits and pieces that made up the rhythm of life she hadn’t had much time for planning.  But that was part of the fun, wasn’t it?  The spontaneity. 

“Well, this is the first time we’ve had a reunion, and I was thinking we could decide as a group.”

She could see Yoon boiling from the corner of her eye, about to deliver a fresh chiding.  She probably deserved it, but Yona didn’t particularly want to hear his sharp words at the moment, not after they were finally all together again.  It felt like a miracle, and she wouldn’t allow anything to drag her away from such a joyous mood.

“How about we take a road trip?” Shin-Ah murmured, “a short one.”

“Oh, what a great suggestion, Shin-Ah” Jae-ha sang, patting the man on his back.  “Then this will really feel like old times, with the addition of another lovely lady, of course.  You’re still driving that beast of an SUV, Yoon, so we could all fit.”

“But what would we see?” Yoon grumbled. 

“There’s a historic town about two hours from here, Jae-Ha and I saw it when we drove in,” Kija supplied.

Yona could feel the excitement building in her chest.  Why hadn’t she thought of such an idea?  It was positively brilliant; they’d both be taking a trip down memory lane and creating new experiences none of them would forget.  After all, who knew how many years it would be until they could meet up again?  It had been practically impossible finding a day that worked for everyone this time.

“Fine” Yoon sighed, “get in.”

Yona gave the boy a quick hug, Yoon shaking his head but smiling nonetheless.  He was happy about their plan, she could tell.

They all climbed in the vehicle, Yoon and Hak occupying the driver and passenger seats as they had for much of the original trip.  Yoon placed the keys in the ignition, turning them sharply and bringing the SUV to life with a roar. 

 _Hello old friend.  It’s been a while since I’ve ridden in you, hasn’t it?_   

 Once on the road, dry prairie grass flashing outside the windows, Yona leaned back, closing her eyes.  She could see snippets from their last journey together so clearly.  Creating ridiculous stories to pass the time and miles, Jae-Ha playing old music that had grown even more ancient since then, checking the atlas many a time to make sure they weren’t lost.

“Yoon, I’m hungry.  Do you have any snacks?”

Yona smiled.  Yes, just like old times indeed.

“Oh no you don’t Zeno,” Yoon growled.  “Do you know how many crumbs you left last time?  Do you know how long it took me to clean?  You’re just going to have to wait.”

She laughed then, opening her eyes and absorbing all she could, enjoying the nostalgia that saturated the air.  How she had missed these times, these people.  They had shaped her; she wouldn’t have become the person she was without their unforgettable presence.  There were certain memories that lasted a lifetime, always bright when everything else became dull.  Yona was sure every laugh, every word exchanged, every hug, would never leave her.

These precious seconds were hers to forever keep.

“Speaking of waiting” Jae-Ha said smoothly, “I brought my guitar.  Should I wait to play us a song on the way back, or just go ahead now?"

**Author's Note:**

> Who doesn't like road trips? Clearly not the Happy Hungry Bunch, and I hope you enjoy reading this series as much as I do writing it.


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